Barbie Bardot

In a bid to bolster sagging sales of Barbie dolls, Mattel Inc. has decided to appeal further to its strong baby boomer market of avid collectors by embracing classic 1950's cheesecake. Mattel has launched Barbie Pin-Up Girls with its inaugural "Way Out West" Barbie sporting Daisy Duke shorts saucily perched atop a split-rail fence. She is to be followed by Lady Luck (a Las Vegas lounge chanteuse adorned in a gold lame dress and flaunting a faux fur stole) and Hula Honey (a Hawaiian foxy figurante with an optional grass skirt). Apparently, Mattel is hearkening back to its beginnings. According to New York Newsday columnist M.G. Lord, author of Forever Barbie: The Unauthorized Biography of a Real Doll), in 1959 Ruth Handler invented her wholesome Barbie (named after her young daughter) based on an adult gag gift for German men. This adult toy Lilli, (allusion to the succubus Lillith?), was based on a meretricious moll comic strip heroine. Nevertheless, Mattel has traditionally pitched Barbie to preteen girls like her daughter and based her fashions on the Paris runways. Since more and more young girls now are turning to sassier, irreverant Bratz dolls, Mattel has had to innovate to continue to grow beyond its approximate $1.5 billion yearly revenue. As Playboy, strip clubs, and other forms of adult entertainment have become more mainstream, it appears that Mattel's cheesecake Barbi might be just the thing to spice up its sales. As an aside, if the first Barbie were in human form, she would have been 5'6" and 110 lbs. in a 39-18-33 body: she has since been given more politically correct, yet still voluptuous measurements.

CNN Blunders On: 2B Bought by CBS?

It appears that CNN is aping its founder Ted Turner stumbling along as it tries to remain relevant in the cable news market. Last night CNN false started its coverage of President Bush's national immigration speech by partially airing his pre-speech rehearsal. It reminds one of CNN's other "mistake" which repeated showed a giant "X" over Chaney's face as he gave a speech six months ago. Maybe, CBS can finally get into cable news by buying CNN: it would seem a natural fit.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

Mom, happy Mother's Day! You are an inspiration to me and to the rest of your children. I rise up and called you "blessed": thank you for being a Prov. 31 woman! May God bless you with long years, many more grandchildren, and His love, joy, and peace. You have always been there for me, and I am truly grateful. I love you very much, Mum!

Eau de Stilton, Bebe!

London Telegraph news alert! Guess what, gals! Now you can lure your man a la Elle MacPherson in Sirens: the makers of Stilton have commissioned a perfume called Eau de Stilton that captures the bleu cheese's pungent seductive aroma. Is Eau de Limburger next from our friends across the Pond?

Teacher Tart under Fire

Earlier today Fox News indicated that West Boca Raton (FL) High School might well fire twenty-five year old Erica Chevillar, a first-year social studies teacher, for posing for cheesecake photos while in college. As a member of the "U.S.A. National Bikini Team," she sat for bikini and lingerie pics that are now posted on the Internet. Based on school policy that requires teachers to act "morally and ethically," a parent filed a complaint with the school concerning Ms. Chevillar's collegiate conduct. West Boca High has since decided not to discipline her: it may have been concerned about the implications of such a legally dicey decision. Also, maybe, the first stone had no takers.

Hayden's Quest 2 Know U Better

Opponents of Air Force Gen. Michael Hayden were given added ammunition against his nomination to head the CIA by a story in today's USA Today. It reported on the National Security Agency (NSA)'s erstwhile secret ongoing collection of tens of millions of American's telephone records. After being offered to be paid for their cooperation, AT&T, BellSouth, and Verizon voluntarily complied with a request by the NSA to provide a complete listing of the calling histories of their customers and to provide updates which would allow the agency to keep watch on the calling habits of U.S. citizens. Even though the NSA is correct in saying that it did not receive the customers' names, address, and other personal data, it can easily procure this information by cross-checking it with other databases. Since Hayden headed the NSA from March 1999 to April 2005, he would have overseen this domestic call-tracking program: he refused to comment on the program. As an aside, Qwest refused to comply with the NSA's request for the phone records of its customers.

Oops, She Did It Again

Last night Britney Spears confirmed that she is pregnant again to David Letterman. (Cheekily, she informed Dave that it was not his baby.) It served little more than to tell most celeb watchers what they already knew: Kevin Federline has spawned yet more progeny. Just what our society sorely needs!